Sometimes I just can't find what I'm looking for.

If you know me then you would know that I can get so upset if I can't find something that I need or if I keep loosing a particular thing that is important to me. This is something that I've really needed to work on in the last two years (ever since my daughter was born) becasue now I loose or mispalce things all of the time. What I've figured out is that I get most angery and upset at things like this when everything seems to be going wrong in my life. Like when we were having a struggle with having children for 5+ years and had to do hormone injections and take pills and be dissapointed each month. Then we did four rounds of IVF and never got pregnant and had two misscarriages. During this time I would be so upset over the littlest of things, and I would say things to my husband like " you should just get a new wife one that can give you children". If I saw somone with a baby on the street or a teenager that was pregnant I would go into a rage deep inside and then I would shut down for a couple of hours. Then in 2003 I went in for an ultrasound to check things out before an IUI and found out I was pregnant, the Dr. even started crying it was awesome. When Katelyn was 6 months old we found out I was pregnant for our son Alex and now they are 2 years 3months and on year 3 weeks old.
That was the hardest time in my life to date, and now I have a hard time to go throught with taking care of two babies under two all day. But, to me this is easier then not knowing if we were giong to have children. There are days when I think "what was I thinking" and I'll say "did you have to answer my prayers so quickly or so close together", but all in all I would rather be know where else there here in my house getting baby hugs and kisses and teaching my daughter how to put on her shoes.
So, to all of you stay at home moms out there don't let people tell you what you are doing is not imprtant. Because I believe that we have one of the most important jobs on earth, we are raising the next generation and seeing them unfold step by step before our very eyes.
Emily 6:24AM